Top Five Things TO SAY To Someone With Cancer...

OK...I have to say right off the bat that this post is going to be harder for me to write than the "What NOT to Say" post.   That post was easy because being snarky and resentful is easier for me then being vulnerable and having to admit I actually do need other people!  Gasp!!!  I admit it!  I truly don't know where I would be today without all of the wonderful people that stepped up, out of nowhere, (Kristin you know who you are) to lend me moral support and guidance through this journey...

(Note to Self:  Waterproof Mascara next time you blog)

OK...let's get this started! 

Five Top Things TO SAY To Someone With Cancer...

1)  "You will make it through this." 

When you are in the middle of chemo, you've lost all your hair, you can't taste your food, your constipated, your pukie all the time, you can't keep up at work, you have medical bills piling up, your boyfriend bails and you just don't think you can take anymore... "You will make it through this" is something you really need to hear.  And you need to hear it alot!!!  It may sound odd, but there are times when you just don't think you will make it through.  There are times when you wonder if you really want to. 

2) "This is temporary." or "This too shall pass."

My friend Kristin drilled this into me on a daily basis.  And I have to admit, there were times when it was the LAST thing I wanted to hear...but in all reality probably the best thing anyone could have said to me.  It's impossible sometimes when you are in the bowels of a bad day to pull yourself out, without a constant reminder! 

3)  "Is there anything I can do for you?"

Even if there isn't anything you can do, just knowing that you care enough to offer, is an enormous relief for someone that is sick.  I can't explain the loneliness that comes with a cancer diagnosis.  And maybe it's because I'm a single woman and I don't have someone to curl up in bed with at night that is going to tell me it will be alright.  My biggest source of support has been the people that simply offered to help.  Oh, and following through is enormous!!!

4)  "How are you doing?"

Ask it.  Mean it.  And take the time to listen!

Everybody needs a forum to tell their story.  And believe it or not, most EVERYBODY knows somebody that has had cancer.  And each one of them has a story!  It's the give and take of  these like stories that builds a community.  Each story shared, not only gives hope to the the person listening, it gives hope to the person doing the telling. 

5)  "Are you in treatment?"

I had a gal approach me on the street one day downtown Des Moines where I work (I had one of my scarves on) and ask me if I was in treatment.  And it was such a relief to have someone just come right out and ask me, instead of staring or avoiding me!  She had been through Breast Cancer as well, and over a few days of conversation, shared her story with me.  She was a nine year cancer survivor!  And it gave me hope!  If you are reading this...you know someone who has has survived cancer too.  You have a story to share...a positive story with a good outcome.  You have hope to share...don't let your story go untold!!! 

So there you have it!  The Top Five Things TO SAY To Someone With Cancer!  It's an easy list.  Read it. Learn it.  Remember it.  You could change someones life by just asking a question or knowing that it is OK to say something to a stranger!  We are all in this together after all...