I am now five weeks post-op and physically feeling pretty good. There is still some soreness, and restriction of movement on the side where the surgery was done and plenty of swelling...but at least all the bruising is gone. All in all I'm healing up fairly well. I'm becoming more accustomed to the scars, although I have to admit that my vanity still gets the best of me from time to time and tears do flow! I find myself daunted by the enormity of it all; doctor's appointments, procedures, terminologies, co-pays, test results, opinions/recommendations/statistics/decisions, waiting, wondering, researching...all compounded with trying to carry on some daily semblance of a normal life. I'm officially upgrading this from "a bumpy ride" to the " journey from hell"...a journey by the way, that I could never have imagined much less been prepared for. But, with all the uncertainty and forlornness I feel on a constant basis, I have also been amazed at my ability to allow myself to be the recipient of many great joys. Hope lives on in the little things...
My cat (Ella Fitzgerald) is still happy to see me when I come home - nothing has changed for HER!!! And if you know Ella - it's ALL about her! I have found wonderful people, complete strangers that have selflessly offered up their own personal journeys, support and knowledge about breast cancer, and ultimately about life in general. I am grateful everyday for my diagnoses, because I know I will be cured. I have a great job with good insurance and understanding supervisors and co-workers. I have more friends then I've ever allowed myself to have...friends that love me and stand firm as my extended family. I have a car that starts every morning...and that's saying something when you live in Iowa and it's -15 when you stick that key in the ignition!!! I have a boyfriend that hasn't run in terror with all of this!!! OK...well, at least not yet!!! I have a beautiful roof over my head, by bills are paid (at least for now) and there is food in the fridge. I've got a full tank of gas and a full supply of windshield washer fluid (thank you Walter)! I've gotta tell you, I've got it pretty good!
And then there is that whole four months of chemotherapy thing...
(You LOVE these cliff hangers!!!)
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Monday, January 18, 2010
Two Weeks Post Surgery...
I've tried to start this post about a million times over the last couple of weeks...all to no avail. I've had such a hard time trying to consolidate two weeks of emotions, perceptions and change into words, that it has taken my breath away. I didn't think that being diagnosed with breast cancer would, or could, change me in so profound a way, that I would ultimately be at a loss for words...so I guess I'll move forward with the facts as I know them.
First and foremost...I will be fine! Twenty four hours after my surgery I received word that the lumpectomy results were positive...or negative, depending on what side of the diagnosis you were on. If you are the patient, it was positive (no more cancer)...if you are the doctor the results were "negative" for any further detection of cancer cells. The "margin" (tissue surrounding the tumor) came back clean and cancer free, as did the lymph node that was removed. So the cancer hasn't spread... (as there was none detected in the lymph node). All good news!
And now, we move into the next stage of my journey...
I have my first post-operative appointment with the "Nazi" surgeon (definition with next blog) who did the lumpectomy and axillary dissection (removal of a lymph node) tomorrow morning. The surgeon will refer me to an oncologist that will guide me down the next path of my journey...post operative treatment. From what I have been able to gather, I will be directed to have five weeks worth of radiation to kill any potential cancerous cells that may have surrounded the tumor (along with any healthy ones that surround it) that still exist. At the same time I will be put on hormone therapy (daily medication) to supress any of the hormones that apparently, my type of cancer feeds on.
I hope I know more once I meet with the oncologist. But right now...I'm thinking that radiation and hormone therapy may not be the road I want to go down. I've always considered cancer to be akin to a virus....it lives in you and thrives only when your immune system is weak, venerable or compromised. With that being said, why would I want to further deplete my immune system with radiation and hormone therapy if all the cancer has been removed and there is no evidence of it having spread???
Food for thought...
First and foremost...I will be fine! Twenty four hours after my surgery I received word that the lumpectomy results were positive...or negative, depending on what side of the diagnosis you were on. If you are the patient, it was positive (no more cancer)...if you are the doctor the results were "negative" for any further detection of cancer cells. The "margin" (tissue surrounding the tumor) came back clean and cancer free, as did the lymph node that was removed. So the cancer hasn't spread... (as there was none detected in the lymph node). All good news!
And now, we move into the next stage of my journey...
I have my first post-operative appointment with the "Nazi" surgeon (definition with next blog) who did the lumpectomy and axillary dissection (removal of a lymph node) tomorrow morning. The surgeon will refer me to an oncologist that will guide me down the next path of my journey...post operative treatment. From what I have been able to gather, I will be directed to have five weeks worth of radiation to kill any potential cancerous cells that may have surrounded the tumor (along with any healthy ones that surround it) that still exist. At the same time I will be put on hormone therapy (daily medication) to supress any of the hormones that apparently, my type of cancer feeds on.
I hope I know more once I meet with the oncologist. But right now...I'm thinking that radiation and hormone therapy may not be the road I want to go down. I've always considered cancer to be akin to a virus....it lives in you and thrives only when your immune system is weak, venerable or compromised. With that being said, why would I want to further deplete my immune system with radiation and hormone therapy if all the cancer has been removed and there is no evidence of it having spread???
Food for thought...
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Breast Cancer 101
I don't know about all of you, but I really don't know a lot about cancer...only that it's a really scary thing we should completely freak out about if the doctor tells you that you have it! So, begrudgingly I've forced myself to do some research on the subject...I have to admit that I'm one of those (shallow) people who don't do research on a subject unless/until it effects me or someone I love. Quite honestly, I've done more research on water-color painting, making/selling jewelry, training horses and working on relationships than I have on any health issue I've ever had.
My friend Kim comes home from her doctor's office and goes online and knows more about her current condition, it's symptoms and causes than her doctor ever could have told her...all within an hour!!! I guess I'm just one of those people who would rather close my eyes, stick my head in the sand and wait for the outcome. Granted, this approach hasn't always served me very well, but I suppose it's my stubborn attempt to prove that in the end everything turns out the way it's supposed to...no matter how much obsessing I do on the subject!!!
With that being said, I've pulled my head out of the sand, opened my eyes and have actually done some research. So, with this post of my blog I'm going to share with you facts that I have to date, about my own breast cancer...'cause at this point it's all about me!!! You've chosen to take this journey with me so we all might as well learn something in the process.
I have Infiltrating Ductal Carcinoma. This is the kind of cancer that spreads, or can spread, to other parts of your body. The first place breast cancer usually spreads is to your lymph nodes, because the sentinel lymph node is the first lymph node into which a tumor drains. According to the tests that have been done so far, the cancer/tumor I have is low grade, and about a half an inch in diameter (think peanut size). It looks as though it was caught pretty early, which is a good thing. The tumor will be taken out surgically along with some of the tissue surrounding it in what is called a Lumpectomy. A Lumpectomy is considered to be a breast-conserving or breast-sparing surgery because unlike a mastectomy, only a portion of the breast is removed.
Now, because the cancer is the kind that spreads, the surgeon will also do what is called a Sentinel Node Biopsy. Remember the lymph node will be one of the first places this type of cancer will spread, so removing one to have tested will be imperative to my diagnosis. According to the surgeon, he will make a small incision in my arm pit and inject a blue dye that will highlight the lymph node making it easier to find. They will do it at the same time they do the Lumpectomy. Once the tissue has been removed they will be sent in for analysis and have numerous pathologies done on them. At this point it will be determined if the cancer has spread, how aggressive it is, and what protocol will be used to treat me from there.
I go in for surgery at 8:25am (who schedules these things??? 8:25...really?) Monday morning, January 4th and should be home, resting and downing lunch, coffee and pain killers by noon. If all goes well I should have the results from the tests that are done on the tumor and the lymph node, 24-48 hours after that.
So there you have it...Julie's Journey Through Breast Cancer 101. At this point I'm pretty optimistic about the outcome...pending the pathology reports, I know in the long run, no matter what happens, I will be alright. I am as determined as always, to live with minimal regrets, no drama, no looking back, and with God walking beside me. I look forward to moving past this with grace, dignity, a good attitude, and and all of you in tow.
Let's all collectively cross our fingers and hope for the best! I know I am...
My friend Kim comes home from her doctor's office and goes online and knows more about her current condition, it's symptoms and causes than her doctor ever could have told her...all within an hour!!! I guess I'm just one of those people who would rather close my eyes, stick my head in the sand and wait for the outcome. Granted, this approach hasn't always served me very well, but I suppose it's my stubborn attempt to prove that in the end everything turns out the way it's supposed to...no matter how much obsessing I do on the subject!!!
With that being said, I've pulled my head out of the sand, opened my eyes and have actually done some research. So, with this post of my blog I'm going to share with you facts that I have to date, about my own breast cancer...'cause at this point it's all about me!!! You've chosen to take this journey with me so we all might as well learn something in the process.
I have Infiltrating Ductal Carcinoma. This is the kind of cancer that spreads, or can spread, to other parts of your body. The first place breast cancer usually spreads is to your lymph nodes, because the sentinel lymph node is the first lymph node into which a tumor drains. According to the tests that have been done so far, the cancer/tumor I have is low grade, and about a half an inch in diameter (think peanut size). It looks as though it was caught pretty early, which is a good thing. The tumor will be taken out surgically along with some of the tissue surrounding it in what is called a Lumpectomy. A Lumpectomy is considered to be a breast-conserving or breast-sparing surgery because unlike a mastectomy, only a portion of the breast is removed.
Now, because the cancer is the kind that spreads, the surgeon will also do what is called a Sentinel Node Biopsy. Remember the lymph node will be one of the first places this type of cancer will spread, so removing one to have tested will be imperative to my diagnosis. According to the surgeon, he will make a small incision in my arm pit and inject a blue dye that will highlight the lymph node making it easier to find. They will do it at the same time they do the Lumpectomy. Once the tissue has been removed they will be sent in for analysis and have numerous pathologies done on them. At this point it will be determined if the cancer has spread, how aggressive it is, and what protocol will be used to treat me from there.
I go in for surgery at 8:25am (who schedules these things??? 8:25...really?) Monday morning, January 4th and should be home, resting and downing lunch, coffee and pain killers by noon. If all goes well I should have the results from the tests that are done on the tumor and the lymph node, 24-48 hours after that.
So there you have it...Julie's Journey Through Breast Cancer 101. At this point I'm pretty optimistic about the outcome...pending the pathology reports, I know in the long run, no matter what happens, I will be alright. I am as determined as always, to live with minimal regrets, no drama, no looking back, and with God walking beside me. I look forward to moving past this with grace, dignity, a good attitude, and and all of you in tow.
Let's all collectively cross our fingers and hope for the best! I know I am...
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