I am now five weeks post-op and physically feeling pretty good. There is still some soreness, and restriction of movement on the side where the surgery was done and plenty of swelling...but at least all the bruising is gone. All in all I'm healing up fairly well. I'm becoming more accustomed to the scars, although I have to admit that my vanity still gets the best of me from time to time and tears do flow! I find myself daunted by the enormity of it all; doctor's appointments, procedures, terminologies, co-pays, test results, opinions/recommendations/statistics/decisions, waiting, wondering, researching...all compounded with trying to carry on some daily semblance of a normal life. I'm officially upgrading this from "a bumpy ride" to the " journey from hell"...a journey by the way, that I could never have imagined much less been prepared for. But, with all the uncertainty and forlornness I feel on a constant basis, I have also been amazed at my ability to allow myself to be the recipient of many great joys. Hope lives on in the little things...
My cat (Ella Fitzgerald) is still happy to see me when I come home - nothing has changed for HER!!! And if you know Ella - it's ALL about her! I have found wonderful people, complete strangers that have selflessly offered up their own personal journeys, support and knowledge about breast cancer, and ultimately about life in general. I am grateful everyday for my diagnoses, because I know I will be cured. I have a great job with good insurance and understanding supervisors and co-workers. I have more friends then I've ever allowed myself to have...friends that love me and stand firm as my extended family. I have a car that starts every morning...and that's saying something when you live in Iowa and it's -15 when you stick that key in the ignition!!! I have a boyfriend that hasn't run in terror with all of this!!! OK...well, at least not yet!!! I have a beautiful roof over my head, by bills are paid (at least for now) and there is food in the fridge. I've got a full tank of gas and a full supply of windshield washer fluid (thank you Walter)! I've gotta tell you, I've got it pretty good!
And then there is that whole four months of chemotherapy thing...
(You LOVE these cliff hangers!!!)
Zhjuuuulie...I love you!
ReplyDeleteIt must be very hard to keep your thoughts from running away with you. I am trying to kick my habit of playing the "what if" game, and I can only imagine that facing your next few months that it's easy to do in your situation too.
(Please forgive me if that is terribly written. I hurt my neck, and am kind of whacked out on pain meds.)
I'm so proud of you for letting friends surround you and help you. You are loved, girl.