As I've gone through this journey with Breast Cancer I've been astounded by what some people have said to me. I'm laughing as I write this and have been talking about this post with people for a couple of months....I just wish I had kept a list from the beginning so that I could have the top twenty-five, instead of the measly five I can actually remember today!!! (Yes it's true what they say about "chemo brain"...my cognitive functions aren't what they used to be) So while I'm thinking about it, here they are...
1. "We all have our own battles."
To someone freshly diagnosed with cancer, this comment is wrong on so many levels. When someone tells you you have cancer, life as you know it ceases. Cancer is all consuming... Even if you know your outcome will be "statistically good" and that you will be "cured", you know in some profound way that your life will never be the same. While we may all have our own battles, for someone living with a cancer diagnosis, there is absolutely no comparison to anything you may be going through. As self-centered as that sounds, it's just the plain truth...sometimes when you have cancer it has to be all about you.
2. "It's not as if your the first woman to go through this after all."
This one came from the surgeon that removed my tumor...as I was sitting in the pre-op room with a five inch metal harpoon stuck in my breast! The harpoon was the "marker" that was inserted a half an hour before at the radiologist's office. Which BTW was located ACROSS THE STREET from the surgery facility. Mind you, it's the 4th of January in Iowa...there is snow on the ground, it's nine o'clock in the morning and it's below freezing. I'm holding my hospital gown off this "marker" when the surgeon tells me that I'd be more comfortable if I'd just let the gown go, "It's not as if your the first woman to go through this after all." My response... "A lot of women may have gone through this before, but this is the first time I've ever gone through this." I have truly never felt more like a number on a list in my entire life!!! Apparently what they say about surgeons is true... (I'm bitter, I admit it!)
3. "I've decided that I can't watch another person die from cancer."
Really? The last time I checked I wasn't dying from cancer! This is another odd thing about a cancer diagnosis...some people just can't deal with it. But that's O.K. too, because we all have our limitations. But either you can deal it or you can't...don't do that whole wishy washy, passive/aggressive, come and go deal with me. I no longer have time for it. That's one thing about having cancer, you suddenly realize you just don't have time to waste anymore. Either your in, or your out. And please, don't leave the decision about your involvement in my diagnosis up to me...I have enough to deal with. All I've got to say about this one...is that when push comes to shove, you find out who your friends are. And ultimately, that's a good thing!
4. "My step-mother has had Breast Cancer four times."
And you thought I needed to know this...why? It's all I can do to make it through one diagnosis let alone four. And it's not as if I don't know I'm at a higher risk than the rest of the population having been diagnosed once...but somehow you feel the need to tell me you know someone who has gone through this four times? I can honestly say that I don't know that I could do this four times. But then again, ultimately, that's what it comes down to...how hard are you willing to fight? How much are you willing to endure to ensure you will live to see another day? This is why a cancer diagnosis changes you...you learn that life is a choice.
5. "You could just have a mastectomy and be done with it."
Really? I'm a single, attractive, 49 year old woman that loves a deep "V". Call me crazy...but I don't want to loose one of my breasts!!! Isn't that like cutting off your nose to spite your face? Or throwing the fat guy over-board to right a sinking ship when the Coast Guard is on it's way? This lovely little tid bit came (yet again) from my surgeon after telling me that the removal of the tumor and a lymph node, and five weeks of radiation was all I needed to be cancer free. I'm sorry but that option wasn't something I was even willing to consider. Period. To have someone surgically remove one of my breast was someplace I wasn't willing to go. We all have our priorities!
O.K. So I'm obviously not going to get to the "Five Things To Say To Someone With Cancer" tonight...But what good would I be if I didn't leave you with a cliff hanger... You know you love the cliff hangers!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment